The pandemic really takes toll on many people, and me included.
Literally yesterday morning my mind was quite swamped.
To begin with, I failed get that job in Germany, even after the interview and the test.
Couldn't even get Pfizer, I ended up getting Sinovac. No, it's not that I'm not grateful getting the vaccination - I was informed if I'm coming over to Europe, only EU certified vaccines; Pfizer, AstraZaneca, Moderna and Johnson & Johnson. Other vaccines will be needed to be quarantined for two weeks. In other word two weeks wasted.
Since quitting my current job, I've been thinking of going to visit my partner instead of finding job, then new case in Malaysia just reached the highest over, 13k a day.
Even if I go visit visit him, as stated earlier, I will be wasting two weeks quarantine.
To be honest I'm exhausted, frustrated, devastated and demotivated. Things just didn't go the way I want, the way I'm hoping to.
Thinking of again the what if scenarios.
I've been thinking what if my former partner and I haven't broke up, these two years would be amazing for us. Lockdown, work from home and just time spend together. We used to live at a nice condo with nice view, at good location and we have unlimited internet. Now I'm stuck at my hometown with extreme limited internet. While I am blessed not alone, I have my wonderful parents and lovely two cats, it's still not the same spending time with your significant other.
Another what if situation what if I had gone visit my partner and actually spend the quarantine with him, especially both of us currently work from home.
And to think when we meet again life most likely going back to normal and we not going to spend time as much as we could during the work from home.
But no, life just enjoy screwing me up.
Not that I wish my former partner and I had never broken up, I'm over him.
It's just me imagining I could had the best possible situation, wither with him or my current partner, and yet I got none.
I feel fucked up at times.
Inagine I was single and miserable for almost a year. When I finally meet someone the pandemic hit. Now I'm finally happy to be with someone again we were separated by the pandemic.
It's fucked up! Fucked up big time!
Part of me really hope all the wait to be with my partner is worth it.
I mean not gonna lie, after ten years relationship that ended up with breaking up, tho I didn't feel the time wasted, but part of me do feel some of the sacrificed I made just gone wasted - when I could had gone enjoying them
Imagine the last three years with him I actually refer to him as hubby.
I really hope whatever my partner and I going through would be worth. I don't think I'm ready to feel my life fucked up.
Again.
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