Those with invisible illnesses and disabilities may have symptoms such as pain, fatigue, dizziness, weakness, or mental health disorders. Many of these conditions deeply impact the people suffering, but show no obvious signs to the outside observers.
If you ask anyone with physical deformities/disabilities, almost all of them will tell you all they want is to look normal. That's a given. I can't speak on their behalf of their struggles, their mental anguish dealing with their disabilities but I can talk about mine.
I know I should be grateful that physically I am complete. To the outside observers I am young, healthy and complete. But that's the thing.
I am not.
Both physically and mentally.
And I am tired.
I am tired of appearing normal.
At times I am really tired, appearing normal outwardly but internally my mind and body constantly screaming. I might appear to be functioning normal but no one knows at times I am holding back tears from pain. Sometimes from mental anguish. Sometimes from physical pain. It's a f**king nightmare living with mental and invisible illness.
It really does.
"You looked young. You looked healthy. You have a complete body. Why are you taking the seats?"
Not that anyone had said these directly to me ever, or yet but sometimes I felt like that's what they have in their mind from the gaze they gave me. Maybe they didn't. Maybe I was just overthinking thanks to my anxieties, all due to feeling conscious because I appeared normal outwardly.
And how could anyone blame them? After all, everything I'm suffering is - well - invisible. Anyone can claim to have mental illness. Anyone can claim to have an invisible illness. That leaves us who truly suffer not be taken seriously. Even at times when I see physically normal people taking seats I become judgmental, forgetting the fact that person could be silently suffering like me.
Another issue I often face is my mental and invisible illness that at times can be so crippling that I can't focus on my work. To the eye in the working industry, I am "disabled and unwanted in the job market" - BUT- I am also "not disable enough for benefits and supports".
My conditions deeply impacted me, but I showed no obvious signs to the outside observers.
At times I wished I had at least one obvious physical disability just to make this easier for me. But of course if you ask me I want to have none of them. I just want to be healthy, physically and mentally.
If I had to appear physically normal might as well I am normal in both mental and health. But no, I had to be suffering inside, and I'm not even trying to romanticise my situation.
It's mentally anguishing at times....
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