When Ariana Grande’s “Thank U, Next” hit the airwaves six months ago, it felt like a break in ex protocol. Rather than wallowing in soul-crushing post-breakup sadness or fiery rage, it became trendy—enlightened, even—to think fondly of a failed relationship, to celebrate your ex, not because you want to get back together, but because you recognize that they were once an important part of your life.
After all our emotions past breakup settled down, I begin to realise now isn’t the time to harbor grudges against our former flames. Maybe now is the time to show each other some appreciation, especially, to use a phrase coined by Nicole Cliffe, to all the “good exes” out there. I even posted on my FB to express my gratitude to my ex.
Honestly, I wasn't like this when we first breakup. There was no hate but there was certainly bitterness from my side. I felt our years together means nothing, voided.
Right after I broke him off (yes I'm the one who initiated the break up), I unfriended and blocked him for several months. It took me almost 4 months before I finally can see or talk to him without being too emotional. It won't be long I can hangout with my friends with his presence, tho I still avoid them as often as possible.
Thing however changed when I meet my current bf. Until then I never thought I would fall in love again. I thought I would spend my life mourning my failed relationship. For the first time, after many months I no longer feeling emotional whenever my ex name is mentioned, for the first time my ex can cross my mind and I feel absolutely no pain.
That's the moment a realised I had moved on.
Starting a new relationship, the fact I had to start all over again is pretty intimidating. It took me a decade to reach where I am with my ex, and now I had to start all over again with someone new. It's exhausting, it's horrifying, it's emotional. We both have baggages' and battle scars from our past experiences. And to make things worse, within two months when this new relationship begin, the Covid-19 pandemic happened as we ended up in long distance relationship... There were many ups and down between us - and at times I was completely down. Although I'm surrounded by many wonderful people, I hardly feel I have deep connection with them as my ex. With my ex I had shown him almost everything; from my demons to the darkest part of me. He truly had seen me inside, figuratively and literally.
Might sounds weird to some but I really turned to him to find comfort and for consolation. My ex had been nothing but supportive of my new relationship. At times when I'm feeling hopelessness with my bf, my ex would assure him that my bf do care of me - as he point out from a male perspective. Sometimes I feel he have more faith in my bf than I do. My ex is truly, the ultimate best friend I could ever ask. We did started off as best friends before we begin to date. And he is the best friend I would love to keep forever. A true bff. These days, I regularly talks to my ex and specifically refers to him as my “former partner” because the word “ex” feels too reductive. “This is somebody who I’m not in love with anymore, but someone who I still love” I mused, “And I think one way of being a good former partner is by being engaging, being supportive, being uplifting and not being a stranger. I didn't see it at first but he made me see it”
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