Toxic Positivity is not commonly talk about, in fact many people are unfamiliar with it - and - yet it had been around us most often, if not all the time. We hear motivational speakers, influencers or even people around us talking about staying positive, avoid negativity - but the question is, is this the right thing to do?
Did you know many people are unaware they're being or suffering from toxic positivity.
Positivity?
We all want things to be positive in life, we all wanted the good thing. Wikipedia divided positive energy into two segments; Positive affectivity (PA) and Positive psychology.
Positive affectivity (PA) is a human characteristic that describes how much people experience positive affects (sensations, emotions, sentiments); and as a consequence how they interact with others and with their surroundings.
People with high positive affectivity are typically enthusiastic, energetic, confident, active, and alert. Research has linked positive affectivity with an increase in longevity, better sleep, and a decrease in stress hormones. People with a high positive affectivity have healthier coping styles, more positive self-qualities, and are more goal oriented. Positive affectivity also promotes an open-minded attitude, sociability, and helpfulness.
Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000). It studies "positive subjective experience, positive individual traits, and positive institutions ... it aims to improve quality of life." Positive psychology focuses on both individual and societal well-being. It is a field of study that has been growing steadily throughout the years as individuals and researchers look for common ground on better well-being.
What is Toxic Positivity?
We define toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.
Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions. The truth is, humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy. Sometimes life can just flat out suck. By pretending that we are “positive vibes all day,” we deny the validity of a genuine human experience.
Photo and Notes credit to: https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/
Are You Suffering Toxic Positivity?
So, how do you tell if you’re suffering from toxic positivity? Below are some of the telltale signs that it might be time to reevaluate your positive outlook and ensure all your emotions are permissible (and even welcomed too).
Photo Credit to: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958 Article credit to: https://shedefined.com.au/wellbeing/10-signs-youre-suffering-from-toxic-positivity/
1. YOU HIDE HOW YOU REALLY FEEL
We’re all guilty of covering up our emotions but when this becomes a constant thing, issues can arise.
Whether it’s in a relationship with your partner, your loved ones or even just yourself, hiding your true feelings is usually a protective instinct. For example, when someone you love does something to annoy you, you may choose to hide your annoyance to protect them and your relationship.
Learning to embrace all kinds of emotions, the good and the bad, can be tough for some but releasing them in healthy ways to people that you trust will help you move forward and find those happy moments again.
2. YOU DISMISS ALL NEGATIVE FEELINGS
A study from the University of Texas found that when people avoid emotions, they actually get stronger over time, which takes a massive toll on both your body and your mind. This can manifest in the form of alcohol or drug addiction, excessive working, a poor relationship with food or other interpersonal challenges.
The best way is to find healthy coping mechanisms that allow you to work through those feelings and their causes. This could be anything from exercise to meditation to talking with someone you trust or visiting a medical professional.
3. YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT FEELING SAD OR ANGRY
It’s hard to not feel guilty about being sad, angry, depressed or any other type of negative emotion when you see someone in a worse-off position than you. It happens to everyone on occasion, but if you constantly feel significant guilt about experiencing these emotions, then the signs are pointing to toxic positivity.
We all have our challenges and we all feel an array of emotions. Whatever you feel and whenever you feel it is totally valid and is just another hurdle of life to work through. It’s important to not feel guilty when these negative emotions arise in order to fully work through them and overcome it.
4. YOU HIDE BEHIND POSITIVE SAYINGS AND QUOTES
Do you find yourself hiding behind a bunch of positivity quotes like, “always look on the bright side” or “think happy thoughts”?
Not only does this reinforce toxic positivity to yourself but if you’re also sharing these quotes on social media or saying them to friends, you’re making their negative emotions feel redundant.
Instead of reciting these quotes every time a loved one is feeling down, try asking things like, “how can I help?” or “are you okay?” or show your support through phrases like, “I’m here for you” and “we’ll make sense of it eventually”.
While you may not be an expert on what they’re feeling, you can sympathise and listen to offer reinforcement.
5. YOU WOULDN’T DARE TO BE SEEN UNHAPPY
Are you always showing your happy face when you’re in the company of others? Is your Instagram a highlights reel? Chances are you’re scared of people seeing you as anything other than a beaming beacon of happiness.
People might not want to be seen unhappy for a few reasons. This could be so they don’t burden others with their negative emotions, to self-protect from vulnerability, to protect their relationships, or to maintain the image of a perfect life.
The quicker you come to accept that no life is perfect, the faster you’ll release the burden of reaching an unachievable standard in your life.
Plus, people can relate better to imperfect lives and if we normalise this on social media platforms and in our daily interactions more and more, people will feel at liberty to simply live their lives as they wish.
6. YOU SCOLD PEOPLE WHO LACK POSITIVITY
When your friends are feeling down it can negatively affect your mood too, but that’s never a reason to lash out at them for feeling the way that they do. Positivity for some, especially those battling mental health issues like depression or anxiety, can be hard to channel.
By scolding them for their lack of positive emotions, you’re dismissing their negative ones, which are simply a part of existence.
The best thing to do is listen where you can and suggest professional help when you don’t feel comfortable assisting or can’t provide what they need.
7. YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS ‘IT COULD BE WORSE’
Yes, it probably could be worse but there’s no reason to point that out to your friends when they’re feeling down. This saying is ultimately invalidating their emotions and making them feel guilty for the way they feel because others have it tougher.
The fact is that everyone copes with things differently. If two people experienced a traumatic incident, there’s the possibility it could affect both of them, neither of them, or one of them and not the other. While you can empathise, you can never truly know what another is going through.
8. NEGATIVITY MAKES YOU ANGRY AND CONFUSED
The basis of negative emotions is that they don’t make us feel good. And when we don’t feel good it’s easy to point the blame at the negative emotions that have us feeling down.
But by doing so, you’re only escalating these feelings with more anger and confusion. It’s important to remember that while we can’t always make sense of why we’re feeling down, and sometimes it happens in what should be the best of times, finding ways to work through the emotions and turning to healthy ways to release them is the fastest way to start feeling your best again.
9. STORIES OF YOUR LIFE ARE ALWAYS ALL ‘SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS’
It’s much easier to share the great, happy stories with friends and loved ones but when that’s all you ever shed light on, you might be suffering from toxic positivity.
Sharing stories affiliated with negatives emotions to those you trust is a helpful way to work through and get over those issues. Plus, it’s way more relatable and encourages your friends and others around you to also be vulnerable and open up about their more difficult moments.
10. YOU ‘JUST GET ON WITH IT’
People suffering from toxic positivity usually have a hard time taking a moment to stop and notice the way that they’re feeling and instead “just get on with it”. By doing so, there’s a risk of developing unhealthy habits (that are deep down a coping mechanism) like addictions to work, alcohol or other detrimental behaviours.
Understand Between Toxic Positivity vs Validation and Hope
People generally are well meaning and have good intentions but unfortunately at times they executed them wrongly which in turn damaging themselves and their surrounding.
We can dive into the rabbit hole by discussing Hitler; there's no denying his intentions is the make Germany great - which in turn unsurprisingly he received massive supports, but we all know how it goes and how it ends; devastating, to Germany, to the rest of the world.
When you see the people you care feeling down, making wrong decisions in life, you couldn't bear to watch them falling deeper into the hole and of course you wanted to help. But the question is, did you helped them in the right way? What did you do? Did you sit down and listen to their problems? Did you assured them it is ok to make mistake and now it's time to learn from them - it's time to improve their live from the lessons? Did you tell them it's ok to feel sad? Or did you simply brushed them off and tell them to stop being negative and try to look on the positive side? If you did this my friend, you're not helping anyone, not even yourself.
Everyone should acknowledged humans are flawed and it's ok to feel down sometimes. Do not negate, denying your negative emotions; they exist and they will always do. Instead embraced them and learn to co-exist. Learn to accept you're allowed to feel sad and down sometimes. Only then you can stand up and be stronger.
What didn't kills you makes you stronger.
The Dark Side of Positive Vibes
Being a healthy human being involves being conscious of ourselves and how we show up in the world. If you recognize yourself as a transmitter of toxic positivity, it’s time to cut it out. You’re hurting yourself and the people you care about most by insisting on this monochromatic mindset. Instead of practicing toxic positivity, aim for balance and the acceptance of both good and bad emotions rather than all-or-nothing thinking.
If you’re being influenced by toxic positivity, we encourage you to set healthy boundaries with anyone who passes judgment on your authentic experience and speak your truth. We get one chance at this beautiful, painful, imperfect life…embrace it entirely and you’ll reap the rewards of bountiful aliveness.