When we talk of toxic people, it was hard to identify them; they're rather obvious to many except those they try to manipulate. Toxic people generally knows they're being one and would do anything to keep their façade.
But what if some of them didn't even have the intention to be one?
Do toxic people know they are toxic?
The short answer: it depends. Some people are highly aware of their faults and do what they can to either keep others close to them or push others away from them. A person aware of their own toxicity might express a desire to change. Or, they may not feel they need to change at all.
Let's face it, we tends to want things going in our way but doesn't mean we are toxic. Or are we? There's no thin fine line to differentiate between standing your ground or being toxic; they're rather obvious - to some at least.
There are many types of toxic people but these six are the most common:
Of the six main types here, The Pessimist an The Criticiser actions are probably the most common even among non-toxic people/people who have zero intention to be toxic. They usually under the misguided thought of being genuine and with only good attention of wanting the people they care to do better with their brutal comments. The mistake they often did however, is lacking of balance and the excessive of criticisms in turn causing toxicity to their surrounding. In a sense they become similar to The Energy Drainer.
While they probably have a great heart, and have the best intentions, it’s just they can’t behave and act on those intentions in a way that gives justice to them. In turn some might even turned toxic — they love you and want to be with you, but they just don’t know how to right now, at least not in the healthy way they know.
While people say opposite attracts, a healthy relationship shouldn't have every single aspects to be the opposite. They may have different interests and compromising is needed but it's important to share same values and vision or at least supports each other values.
Toxic relationship begins when one or both parties did not respect each other interests, values, and visions. It's already bad enough not supporting each other values, disrespecting is even worse. Gradually they would become insufferable with one another.
Source: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/toxic-stress/
Positive stress response is a normal and essential part of healthy development, characterized by brief increases in heart rate and mild elevations in hormone levels. Some situations that might trigger a positive stress response are the first day with a new caregiver or receiving an injected immunization.
Tolerable stress response activates the body’s alert systems to a greater degree as a result of more severe, longer-lasting difficulties, such as the loss of a loved one, a natural disaster, or a frightening injury. If the activation is time-limited and buffered by relationships with adults who help the child adapt, the brain and other organs recover from what might otherwise be damaging effects.
Toxic stress response can occur when a child experiences strong, frequent, and/or prolonged adversity—such as physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, exposure to violence, and/or the accumulated burdens of family economic hardship—without adequate adult support. This kind of prolonged activation of the stress response systems can disrupt the development of brain architecture and other organ systems, and increase the risk for stress-related disease and cognitive impairment, well into the adult years.
If you noticed your partner acting toxic towards you or their surroundings, have a talk with them, for they might not aware their actions is hurting you and the people around them. As mentioned earlier, a person may aware of their own toxicity might express a desire to change - but they're unaware the level of their toxicity and may need an outside observer to point them out. Also a person may not even aware of their own toxicity and again need someone to point them out to help them to change for the better.
Or, they may not feel they need to change at all. At this rate the best solution for you is to bail out from the relationship. Lingering around with toxic people will drain out all the positive energy from you. Taking care your own space and mental health should be your priority and if your partner really care for you they will try to improve themselves.
Let your partner know al the things they did bothering you. List everything down, have a seat, a drink maybe, discuss, be civil. Let them understand why you find them bothering you, understand why they did what they did and help them to improve themselves. A healthy relationship is the one where both parties trust and wanted the best for each other.