People might think I would have more empathy due my invisible and mental illness. Maybe I am, but by now I also learnt an important life lesson; you need to help yourself before you be able to help others.
I feel I used to be too easily sympathize with people. I mean maybe way too easy, to the point some people complained I only look the good and hard sides and ignore the fact they can be quite problematic. To me, at that time, the reason people may seem these people as problematic because no one try to understand them.
To be honest, that fact still stand. I still feel these people need to be understood, people need to put some efforts to understand where these people come from and what they had went through that leads them to be the way they're right now.
With that being said, however some people we might no need to trouble ourselves to help them. Might sounds judgmental but hear me out.
I can't helped but to still continue to help people who I think might need help, mentally at least. Being spend my life struggling with mental illness and bullying while growing up, I noticed many people willing to open up to me because they feel relatable. I don't feel I ever offer my help directly, I'm more to "If you need someone to listen, I'm here".
Throughout the years I learn many things. I received many insights why people could be misunderstood, but the most valuable lesson I learn is people need to learn to help themselves first. Me included.
Why?
Because self-acceptance and the desire to be better are important - AND - it must come from ourselves. People around us can work hard to help us to be better, then can work to push us to be better, but if we didn't even bother to put the efforts, it's nothing.
People around us can tell us we are beautiful but by the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, there's no nobody there but you - to tell how beautiful you are.
With that being said, I had meet several people who complains about their life. And to be honest majority of the things their complains are legit, especially after you now what they had went through. Some of them lacking of encouragements or guidance to help them to see things in better light - this is when friends and family should step in to help.
However I also meet several people who continue to let themselves drowned in their own negativity, even when people around them trying their best to help them.
Yes I know I had talked many times about mental illness, I even covered my own experience living with one - but - I also wrote mental illness is not a free pass to be an asshole. I know having mental illness or went trough hard life can caused us to view life as bleak and who can blame them?
A struggle is a struggle.
A pain is a pain.
No one should be comparing them.
But everyone needs to take care their own space, their own mental wellbeing. A person can help someone until they too become exhausted by the negative energy and needs to retreat.
Saddest part? Self loathing people often viewed people around them giving up on them (which is not that untrue either) and continue to blame the world. It's them against the world. They fail to see the fact they themselves refused to help themselves first. Yes people did giving up on them because they aware it's pointless; there's no point wasting time trying to help someone who didn't even bother want to help themselves first - and - eventually at the cost of their own time and mental wellbeing.
Ultimately helping others is great, but if its not effective, it's not different than wasting time. So focus on effective helping
Conclusion, it's very important the desire to improve onselves coming from you first. How you try to improve yourself for better can be variant; you can work all the way by yourself, you can be pushed and guided by others, you can get revelations on what to do from others, but the key point is, the initiative must comes from you. Just you, and no one else.
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